


miranda priestly for president

by kerrykins



Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: A truly shocking amount of stupidity, Crack, F/F, Grave political inaccuracies, Miranda repeals the 22nd Amendment without Congress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 17:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18921802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerrykins/pseuds/kerrykins
Summary: Miranda Priestly is running for president.





	miranda priestly for president

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elle_nic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_nic/gifts).



> this is for elle, who gave me the idea and whose ramblings in the voice chat provided a nice kind of ambience for me to write along to- this was written in less than half an hour so please pardon any mistakes or typos

 

**2015**

 

Andy sighed and all but collapsed onto a couch, tossing her Versace blazer onto the floor. Miranda was thankfully too immersed in the Book to notice, much less rebuke her for it.

 

"This election is shaping up to be a nightmare," Andy groaned, kicking her shoes off and letting them fall to the floor. "Donald Trump is running for president, with Mike Fucking Pence as his vice president. I mean, what kind of sick joke is this? It feels like I'm reporting on a bad 80s sitcom instead of national politics."

 

"Mm," Miranda said absently.

 

"And you know, I wouldn't mind if the other candidates weren't awful too. We got a brain surgeon and Ben Shapiro," Andy spat out. "Ben Shapiro. Can you believe that?" When Miranda didn't reply, she tapped her wife on the shoulder. "Hey. Were you listening?"

 

Miranda glanced up at her over the tops of her reading glasses. "I'm running for president, Andrea." She flipped the page of the Book, redirecting her attention back to it with a non-committal hum.

 

Andy just stared at her, because Miranda hardly ever joked, and her sense of humour usually involved viciously mocking someone-- usually Andy. "What?"

  
  


**2016**

 

Andy could only clap dumbly as Miranda waved at the large crowd gathered in front of the Washington Monument. She knew she looked like a complete dumbass, but could anyone blame her? She and Miranda had joked around about this moment when their campaign first began, but Andy didn't think it would actually fucking happen.

 

"Thank you, thank you," Miranda said graciously, waving like she was the queen of Genovia-- which was actually well justified, because she was the literal president of the United States, even though the most political experience Miranda had was bossing employees around. Maybe proofreading the occasional essay by Andy. 

 

After the inauguration ceremony, Andy decided to make a last-ditch attempt to talk Miranda out of this. "Miranda, you need to resign."

 

"What are you talking about?" Miranda asked serenely. "We haven't even moved our things into the White House yet."

 

"I- you can't be serious," Andy sputters. "You don't even like politics."

 

"If a brain surgeon and a television personality can run serious political campaigns, why not me? Is it because I'm a woman, and you think anyone other than a man is unfit to serve as president? Of course you'd think that, you chauvinist."

 

It was truly shocking. Everything to come out of Miranda's mouth in the course of the past ten months had been complete, bat-shit crazy nonsense. Andy opened and closed her mouth, her mind still not really caught up with the what the fuck was happening.

 

"I'm a woman too, Miranda. I told you I was voting for Hillary."

 

"Oh," Miranda said. "I keep forgetting you're not Stephen. Apologies, Greg-- er, I mean Andrea."

 

"Gee, I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world."

 

"How different can this be from running a magazine?" Miranda asked, shrugging. "I continue with the death threats, blackmail, and ultimatums, but simply on a larger scale. That's all there is to it."

 

Andy just had to walk away at that point. She wished she had known Miranda was insane before marrying her.

 

___

 

Melania raised her glass. “Congratulations, Miranda.”

 

Miranda smiled thinly as their glasses met with a small ‘ding.’ Melanie really overdid it with the plastic surgery. She allowed herself a moment to revel in her superiority and natural beauty before finally taking a sip.

  
  


**2019**

 

Miranda was running for yet another term. Andy had somehow aged more than Miranda had during the four-year term, despite only being the First Lady. Miranda remained as stupid and stubborn and gorgeous as ever. Andy had a feeling that she was actually some kind of immortal demon, who had perfect skin and was bent on world domination.

 

"Please," Andy wheedled, when Miranda pinned her against the wall. "Don't run again." She felt an awful lot like Denis Thatcher in The Iron Lady. Like goddamnit, her wife was out of control.

 

"I do whatever I want," Miranda said, biting her collarbone a little harder than necessary. "Don't tell me what to do."

 

Andy was tempted to disagree, but obviously succumbed to the Miranda's teeth and warm mouth, like anyone would. Her wife may have run this country into the ground, but goddamnit if she wasn't great at having sex.

  
  


**2020**

 

_ BREAKING NEWS from Page Six _

 

_ Miranda Priestly has been voted into her second term as president of the United States. Her first order of business, she says, is to repeal policies that prevent a president from service more than two terms. The American people are either elated or horrified, because President Priestly has proven herself to be a force to be reckoned with. When asked how she feels about being dubbed 'The Iron Lady,' Priestly's only comment was that she didn't want to be associated with the most moronic Prime Minister to ever serve in the history of England. Then she promptly slammed the door in our faces. _

 

_ The world awaits with bated breath-- in fear or joy, we'll never know-- to see what Miranda Priestly's next move will be. Could this be the start of a new totalitarian regime? _

 

**2021**

 

“I’m bored,” Miranda said to Andy, leaning back in her leather chair.

 

“Oh,” Andy said. They had successful in debauching themselves all over the White House and Andy was running out of steam, but if Miranda really wanted to, then--

 

“I’m resigning,” Miranda said. Andy had already started slipping off her pants when Miranda said that, and froze.

 

“What?”

 

“Being president had its charms at first,” Miranda clarified. “But it’s just so easy, so dull. Runway was a challenge.” She tapped her lip with a pencil thoughtfully. “Sure, I’ve fixed our immigration policies, relieved the nation of millions of dollars in national debt, established universal healthcare programs, and brought an end to rising inflation rates, but what now?”

 

Andy mulled over this for a moment as she fumbled to put her pants back on. “I mean, you could ruin everything just to do it over again.”

 

At Andy’s suggestion, Miranda’s eyes brightened. “Yes,” she said. “That’s an absolutely wonderful idea.”

 

“Miranda, I was kidding.”

 

“We need to switch from renewable energy to fossil fuels again. Enact laws for people to dump their garbage in rivers.”

 

“Miranda--”

 

“Yes. This will work.” The look in Miranda’s eyes was dreamy, and Andy’s stomach lurched with the knowledge that she had just doomed humanity.


End file.
